Researching 'my people,' researching myself: Fragments of a reflexive tale

The paper investigates my positionality as a Pakistani Muslim researcher, affiliated with a U.S. institution, conducting ethnographic research with Pakistani Muslim immigrants in California. Three vignettes reconstructed from field-notes and a reflective journal illustrate the tensions and contradictions informing the research process. The first vignette details my shifting subjectivities in relation to a segment of the Muslim community in Northern California. Although my perceived disempowerment of Muslims motivated my research, my failure to subscribe to the Muslim Student Association's version of Islam cost me their disapproval. The second vignette highlights my relationship with one particular research participant. Although I shared the same ethnic background as this participant, my inability to conceive of her empowerment in terms other than those of Western feminism led to tragedy. The last vignette focuses on my interaction with the ethnographic data at my desk and becomes an analysis of the forces in my life that feed into my research.