Grief and the Sexual Relationship of Couples Who Have Experienced a Child's Death

In an interview study of the sexual relationship of bereaved parents, 16 of 24 heterosexual couples interviewed after the death of a child reported a break or decline in sexual intercourse. Consistent with social constructivist perspectives, the meanings couples gave to sexual intercourse, the death, and their grief were central in their understanding of the break or decline--e.g., the belief that intercourse was too painful because it was how the child had been made. Meanings were also linked to the continuation or resumption of the intercourse--e.g., that intercourse was life-affirming. Touching, which was defined as sexual by many people interviewed, had consistent meanings across couples--connection, support, and comfort--although couples differed in whether touching increased, decreased, or did not increase enough to satisfy one partner following the death. The meanings that couples used in discussing touching and the decline or break in sexual intercourse were also used in talking about extramarital affairs and grieving during intercourse.