449th Day in Hospice

A woman kisses a forehead and knows that it is warm.Baby fat-filled cheeks burn with eyelids shuttered in sleep.7:30 a.m.-Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary DiseaseThe insides of Mara's eyelids feel cold.She traces her pointer finger around the logo on her steering wheel.A thumbnail size piece of plastic hangs from the bottom right edge and she tears it off.Mara opens her eyes and tosses the plastic into the passenger side cup holder.The hedges outside the client's blue brick house are covered in snow.She doesn't like the slope of the snow on the roof.She'll call the snow shoveling company they contract with.Mara pulls the correct chart from the stack in the front seat and walks up the drive.Daughter answers the door.She smiles at Mara but the skin under her eyelashes is puffy, and yesterday's oil has settled into her hair."Good morning, Mara.Come in out of the cold."Mara scrapes her boots on the welcome mat."How are you doing today, J-----?"She nods."He's doing okay.You know how much of a fighter he is.He's just, we're just, I'm just probably messing things up, but he's having trouble taking fluids this morning."J-----covers her mouth.Mara rests her hand on the daughter's elbow.It will be less than a week now.Probably more like a couple of days."I'm so sorry.You aren't doing anything wrong."Mara scribbles something on a piece of paper in the chart."I will call his medical team today to let them know.They may be able to help with some med adjustments."The daughter presses her forehead against the wall."It's happening, isn't it?""It may be.What I do know is that we will continue to support you both in this." "I'm not ready.""That's a normal feeling.We aren't ever ready."Mara exhales."I'm going to go check in with your dad.You take a little time for yourself."Mara walks down the hall to the living room.The client smells like Ivory soap and reclines in a La-Z-Boy.His favorite pillow embroidered with "World's Greatest Grandpa" must be in the laundry.Purple veins run the length of his lips.She sits on an armchair next to him."Hi there, F-----."His eyes roll toward her, and he lets out an uhhuh sound."J----was saying that this morning has been hard."He grimaces."You know, she worries.""She loves you very much and our team is going to make sure that she is taken care of too.Is there anything I can do for you today?"He shakes his head, but his eyes look toward a box on the TV tray next to him.Mara picks up the box: baseball cards.She remembers from his intake that he'd coached the St. Paul Saints for a decade.Mara smiles and pulls one out, careful not to leave fingerprints on the laminated corners."