Paternal and maternal coping with the death of a child

Abstract Parents' coping strategies in dealing with a child's death and gender differences in coping were studied. Twenty-five married couples who lost their child were interviewed and given an instrument to ascertain their coping strategies. Five major coping strategies used by parents were: seeking the release of tension, avoiding painful thoughts and feelings, using a cognitive framework to understand and deal with the experience of loss, helping others, and relying on religious beliefs. Parents found it necessary not only to release their emotional tension, but also to prevent themselves from becoming preoccupied with their trauma by keeping busy and avoiding reminders. Parents also attempted to overcome their grief by gaining an understanding of their experience through reading and by focusing their thoughts on the positive. Helping others directed parents' attention away from their grief while contributing to a belief that something worthwhile had resulted from their child's death. Religious faith gave parents strength and helped them maintain hope. Other strategies included seeking support through groups, seeking relief from pain, investing themselves in a new object of love, seeking professional help, staying alone, and visiting the cemetery. Several statistically significant gender differences in coping were identified. Mothers were found to cry, read, and write on loss and grief, help others, and stay alone to a greater degree than fathers. Reading and writing were coping strategies used primarily by mothers.