Grief and the reflective self: Toward a clearer model of loss resolution and growth

Abstract Despite pervasive reference to the self in grief literature, theorists have failed to offer a compelling model of how the self functions in loss, recovery and growth. A dyadic model is proposed wherein a “reflective” side of the self is seen as acting on a “core” repository of identity, interpreting feelings and formulating meaning. The reflective self is developed and sustained by attachment figures, and thus severely disrupted in their loss. The core remains intact. Grief work enhances the reflective self's insight, affirmative strength, and ability to make life matter—all aspects of growth. Implications for grief counselling are discussed.