Memories of a Gay Catholic Boyhood: Coming of Age in the Sixties

In Memories of a Gay Catholic Boyhood, one of the leading historians on LGBTQ history, John D'Emilio, delves into his complicated childhood as he struggles to develop his own identity against the cultural rigidity of the world around him. At times, the book reads like a work of fiction as D'Emilio uses his abilities as a story teller to draw you into his youth, creating compassion for him as he tackles the problems of family, school, girls, and his own sexuality. This is not, however, a work solely about his sexual exploration, but rather an intertwining narrative that is as much a story about growing up Catholic in an Italian family as it is about growing up gay. Indeed, D'Emilio makes little to no reference to his sexual orientation until almost halfway through the book as he draws readers into the tales of his formative years. Time with friends, lessons learned from the priests, and the fond memories of visits to "Big Grandma"'s house were as crucial to the development of the man D'Emilio becomes as was his exploration of gay encounters in 1960s New York.Ultimately, however, this is a work about a young man coming to terms with his sexual proclivities in an environment that had told him nearly all of his young life that his feelings were wrong. After one of his first encounters with an older man, D'Emilio struggles with what he has done, writing that he "felt completely raw and exposed . . . as if my whole body was shaking and the guilt painted on my face" (p. 90). Falling back on his Catholic upbringing, he prays that he will never do it again, but deep down knows that he will. Throwing caution to the wind, he engages in random, sometimes risky, encounters, followed by personal reflection as to why he had done so. This conflict within D'Emilio is all the more relatable to the reader because of the time spent on his childhood, his family, and his faith. This struggle between what he wants, and the lessons he had always been told he should live by, plays out again and again as he continues to seek out new opportunities. As D'Emilio wryly explains, "Yes, I probably would sin again. But no, I couldn't plan to do it" (p. 93).Throughout the search for who he really is, D'Emilio's Catholic faith remains front and center. After his first confessional of his newfound sins, in which the priest reassures him that such feelings will pass, D'Emilio takes comfort in the belief that he was not destined to struggle forever with his affection for other men. He admits to a feeling of hopefulness, even briefly considering a career in the priesthood. This roller coaster of emotions, and how he slowly matures into the man he is today, is what makes this such a compelling and fascinating book. While D'Emilio questions whether or not his faith should place limits on his sexuality, he also embraces the idea that "dating a girl whose company I enjoyed kept alive the illusion that my desires for men did not define who I really was" (p. 141). It is not a simple story of one choosing a path in life, but rather a slow character development worthy of a good work of fiction.In Memories of a Gay Catholic Boyhood, D'Emilio creates a captivating, and often charming, narrative of growing up in a world that went against his true self. Having admittedly taken over fifteen years to finish, the book seems very much a labor of love for the author, a personal journey that he was not sure he would ever complete. Relying solely on his own accounts and impressions, the work feels, at times, a bit self-indulgent; however, that aspect also contributes to its overall appeal. The book represents the telling of a very personal inner reflection that is purposeful in its intent, but also seems raw and unscripted in its delivery. It is a tale of self-discovery, but also a characterization of the value of faith and the importance of family and friends. In that regard, the work would have benefited from a recounting of how the author came out to his devoutly Catholic family, as well as their reaction, especially in light of how much time was devoted to creating our understanding of them. Regardless, D'Emilio's work is not only a welcome addition to the ever-growing field of LGBTQ history, but also a chronicle of the influence of differing ethnic and cultural backgrounds in twentieth-century America.