Other, please state; an insider/outsider account of taking up space

Writing about culture and identity is a painful process for me because of the complexity of my associated feelings and experiences, which are difficult to articulate, and mostly intangible. When I encounter terms and concepts that capture some aspects of my experience, they often fall short of a holistic or encompassing acknowledgement, thereby requiring that I choose between remaining untethered or setting down some parts of myself to enable other parts to be seen and affirmed in restrictive spaces. For example, the UK tendency to gather demographic data about race often lists common racial categories and concludes with ‘other, please state’. It is not a simple exercise for me to complete these forms and evokes discomfort, awakening the dis-ease that I experience as I am always the “other”. This paper reflects on my experiences of taking up space as a multiracial woman of colour undertaking a doctoral degree in the UK where my research centres a community which I do not belong to, and individuals who are racialised differently to myself. Through the process of writing it, my sense-making changed as outlined herein. The decision that my thesis would centre the experiences of Black, Caribbean people when I do not claim membership of either group is not the focus of this work, as that is interrogated within my doctoral thesis, but here I will share an experience of negotiating how and when to take up space – an ongoing process which has been a site of intense personal reflection throughout my doctoral journey and which became crystalised for me in a revelatory moment whilst presenting my work at The University of the West Indies and University of Leicester International Summer School. The summer school took place in Trinidad in June of 2024, and it was during a presentation of my research for the delegate conference where I publicly laid claim to my relationship to my work and therefore my decision to take up space with my research.