Since compiling A History of Poets’ Reception of Mark Twain, 1863–1936 (2024) I have identified over a dozen additional verses that should be added to the record.The New York correspondent of a San Francisco daily published this poem, which exaggerates the extent of Twain's journeys ostensibly written in his voice, shortly after the return of the Quaker City but before The Innocents Abroad (1869) was issued.John X. Otic, “The Travels of Mark Twain,” San Francisco Examiner, 10 September 1868, 1. Air.—Enoch Arden.1I am an old rover,I've roam'd the world over,And climbed the great mountainOf Fus-i-yam-a;I've traveled through India,Through Japan and China,And crossed the wide desertOf Sa-ha-ri-a.Oh! I am a wild rover,I've cruised the seas over,I have doubled Cape Horn,And I've seen the North Pole;I've been wrecked on an iceberg.And lost in a jungle.And I know every headland.From Ceylon to Holmes’ Hole.2Yes, I am a bold rover,I've wandered all over,I have fought for the GreeksAnd made love to their wives;I have courted the girls,Both in Norway and Sweden,I'm a bully brave spinnerOf yarns, bet your eyes.While in Australia on his round-the-world lecture tour, Twain was repeatedly celebrated in verse.“Mark Twain,” Richmond, Australia, Windsor and Richmond Gazette, 5 October 1895, 1:Who is, who was, whoever will beA greater rage than lovely Trilby,3A veritable laughing pill be— Marque Twain.Fresh landed from the Warrimoo,4Except in name to us quite now,A Yankee who for “two” says ”tow,” Mark Twain.Welcome, light-hearted, happy man,We'll call and hear you all we can,And I'll be in the very van— Mark Twain.Welcome, a thousand times friendSamuel,I hope the hall the people cram well,And all enjoy themselves—well, d—well— Mark Twain.Thanks from a race who're fond oflaughter,Who'll shake the hall from floor torafter,And show their keen approval after— Mark Twain.Who has not screamed on readinghimAnd laughed until his eyes grew dim,Anent the story of Huck Finn— Mark Twain.Whence this great fund of humorrichThat in the side gives one the stitch,Till into Hades he could pitch— Mark Twain.You're come, we've heard, we'resatisfied,But tell me why did you derideBret Harte,5 now the “other side”— Mark Twain.He'll be in fits, poor Harte will be,You did the same towards Italy,6You manage spleen quite prettily— Mark Twain.But tell us why you link usWit the half-gone ornithorynchus,7The Jackaroos and other Tinkers— Mark Twain.The sentiment is rather “thinnish,”That verse we fear you'll neverfinish,—Unless your vagaries diminish— Mark Twain.Twain began to wear white flannel suits routinely in winter 1906.“Mark Gets His,” Wilkes-Barre Times Leader, 6 March 1907, 4.Mark Twain was a sight, In that dress suit of white,He never wore the suit in the light, But wore it only at night.Twain's popularization of a horsecar jingle in his sketch “A Literary Nightmare” in the Atlantic Monthly for February 1876 inspired dozens of satires, such as this one.8“A Ghastly Jingle,” New York Times, 20 June 1897, 40: ’Twas years ago that Mark Twain wrote A line that filled him with despair,For through his brain it long did float, “A pink-trip-slip for a five-cent fare.”That jingle oft comes back to me, Like to a half-forgotten air,Its rhythm, halting though it be, Long held me with its jingle rare.But now, at last I have cut loose From Mark's old-fashioned rhythmic snare,Because I'm caught in Kipling's noose, “A rag, a bone, and a hank of hair.”9Twain delivered a speech in Boston the evening of December 17, 1877, after a dinner celebrating the seventieth birthday of the poet John Greenleaf Whittier (1807–1892) with Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803–1882), Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807–1882), and Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809–1894) in the audience. In his remarks, Twain ridiculed a trio of tramps named Emerson, Longfellow, and Holmes for invading a miner's cabin, misquoting poetry, cheating at cards, eating his food, stealing his boots, and so forth. Unfortunately, the humor in the address apparently fell flat, much to Twain's embarrassment.Niles, Mich., Republican, 10 January 1878, 1.Mark Twain told of catching, in Californee,Holmes, Longfellow, Emerson, all on a spree,Which of con-fi-dence it caused when he'd doneA marked-wane in his repu-ta-see-i-un.R. G. H. Speed (b. 1851), “Mark Twain and the Immortals,” Ithaca Journal, 1 April 1920, 4.Mark Twain once played such a terrible jokeOn Boston super-lit'rary folkThat they frowned him down, and for many a yearHe failed to get over the gruesome fear.Mark spoke at a great intellectual feastBefore the entire elite of the east,Holmes, Longfellow, Emerson, all were there,And from Twain they all looked for something rare.At least the most opportune moment cameAnd the humorist great introduced to them.An int'rest intense prevailed in the roomAnd the club had no glimpse of its coming doom.Mark told of a vagabond trip on footAnd his call at a western miner's hut,How he found the old miner much depressedSince li'rary tramps had broken his rest.The three above named had just left his door,And now Mr. Twain made the number four;They'd eaten up all of his bacon and beansAnd harrowed his soul with poetical themes.They had some soiled cards and played euchre for gain,And cheated each other as if all were insane;They bet upon credit while there on his bunk,And he judged from their talk all were more or less drunk.Each immortal in turn would repeat from his lines’Till it got on his nerves to hear meaningless rhymes.He would sure have to move his rude cabin again,For he could not survive with another such strain.He could stand it to have his poor cupboard made bareAnd the loss of his boots with Sir Longfellow woreBut such li'rary doing he could not endure.Twain patented a self-adhesive scrapbook in 1873. It was printed and distributed by his Quaker City roommate Dan Slote (1828?-1882) and widely advertised.Austin Brown (1833–1904), “Interdukshun / To Mark Twain's Skrap Book,” Montpelier, Vt., Argus and Patriot, 17 August 1881, 4.10Skraps air glened frum evry soarse Uv mind and gomuin mattur,Sum air very lene ov coarse, And sum uv um air tattur.Skraps uv iern, skraps uv mete, And all that's with a goppur,Tu smoak, or war, or drink, or ete, Air put inter life's hoppur.Skraps uv wisdom air moast skarse, And sutch air moast to be desired,But air moastly a pretenshus farse, Wich air bot, or plojarized, or hired.Wee put sutch skraps intu a volum Wich wee rede o're and o're again,And then wee dedikate each kolum To thee ideul humerist—Mark Twain.Twain presided at a spelling bee in Hartford in May 1875,11 though this quatrain cites a maxim falsely attributed to him.H. Gray Latham (d. 1903), “On Presenting the Goose Egg,” Lynchburg, Va., News, 2 May 1897, 5.Mark Twain has said: “Don't trust a mule,E'en tho’ you know he's dead.”With spelling bees—like mules again—The safe place is the head.This dialect versifier was apparently imitating the Scottish poet Robert Burns (1759–1796).“Twa Mouthfu's o’ Naething,” Fresno Republican, 23 February 1920, 4:In the Mississippi valleyPuir auld Mark Twain!The puir auld scot!And puir Tom SawyerAnd Huckleberry FinnAnd auld JimAnd the log raftFloatin’ doon the riverAnd the Duke and KingSpoutin’ ShakespeareAnd puir, sorrowin’ Aunt PollyAnd puir auld caveIn the Missouri bluffsWhere treasure was buried.O-mon-o-dear-o-dear!Whit's the world cumin’ tae?Here wes adventureBe field and floodAnd hidden cavernAnd in strange placesHere wes adventure taleTelt be the crowned kingO’ tale-tellin’And he wes fetched oopIn the Middle WestAnd these adventuresWere on and alangThe Mississippi river.A thousan’ tale-tellersFrae the effete EastAnd ither like placesMicht write talesFir a thousan’ yearsAnd ilka one o’ themBe fu’ o’ adventureAnd the whole o’ themPut a’ taegetherWuldna measure oopTae the thousandth partTae the tales thot were teltBe Mark TwainAboot the Middle West.Some months after the publication of Twain's fervent denunciation of imperialism in his essay “To the Person Sitting in Darkness” (North American Review, 172 February 1901, 161–76), a poet begged him to resume his humorous writing.“To Mark Twain,” Council Bluffs, Ia., Nonpareil, 2 June 1902, 4:Mark, dear Mark, Don't do it, please.Hear us beg On bended knees.Stop your ranting, We implore,Don't be serious Anymore.All your books We've read with gleeMarveled at their Fancy free,Full of wit and Bottled smiles,Held us captive By their wiles.Round the world We followed you,Chased you over Europe, too,But you can't By any meansDrag us to The Philippines.Stop it, Mark, We'd rather laugh.Your humor's wheat, Your logic chaff.Can't you see Before too late,You weren't built To carry weight?Mark, dear Mark, Come back to ease.Stick to humor If you please.For what to you Is seriousIs fatal, Mark, To weary us.During his final visit to his home state in June 1902, Twain was awarded an honorary LL.D. by the University of Missouri at its graduate ceremonies.George W. Ferrel (d. 1906), “Mark Twain, LL.D.,” Columbia Missouri Herald, 6 June 1902, 19.Mr. (now Dr.) Mark Twain was in town.And we gave him the glad, glad hand.An honor he is to America and to every other land.He has filled us all with laughter and has made us cryFor many years that are vanished,For many years long gone by.He's proud, imperial Missouri's son,And he and his tribe of witAre claimed by we Missourians as a large part of it.Who has not read of Mr. Finn, of very precious fame,The man who wrote that storyIs Missouri's son the same.In the spring of 1906, Twain's Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn were threatened by removal from the shelves of the Brooklyn Public Library.“Twain Not an Immortal,” Brooklyn Eagle, 29 March 1906, 24.Librarian Hill12 declines to say Huck Finn has meanings vicious;And swears he did not hide away Tom Sawyer, so delicious.Alas! poor Twain, he almost got Within the mystic portals—So close, and yet he's numbered not Among the Hill Immortals.The twaddle that is under par By Hill is never hidden;The really great in letters are The ones to us forbidden.So Balzac,13 Hardy,14 Bernard Shaw,15 With Rabelais16 and Fielding17One sees with more or less of awe Hill's Hall of Fame is shielding.Oh, Mr. Clemens, it was tough To miss the mystic portals;For Brooklyn thinks you big enough To rank with Hill's Immortals.
Gary Scharnhorst (Thu,) studied this question.