Love as a lived experience

Abstract In response to commentaries, we refine our Merit-Appreciation (M-A) love model and extend it. The model’s revised formulation highlights its flexibility over personal and life circumstances in that (1) the emphasis on partner’s Merit versus Appreciation may differ across life phases and individuals’ own sense of Merit, (2) the Novelty of a given love relationship enhances the significance partners derive from it; their shared experiences in novel domains may revitalize it, however (3) the weight of an instance of romantic love as a significance source may depend on the availability of other sources of significance (e.g., work/career and alternative relationships), The latter may differ across cultures, of which some (e.g., the traditional ones) may view alternative pairwise arrangements (e.g., arranged marriages) as sources of significance. Even though its prevalence may vary, however, there is evidence that romantic love constitutes a universal experience manifest across societies and cultures. We view the M-A love model as compatible with broader conceptualizations such as evolutionary or goal theories, yet as occupying a unique niche and level of analysis, allowing insights into love as a lived experience with its many vicissitudes. The understandings it affords suggest ways of addressing love’s “trials and tribulations” to reduce the suffering it might entail and enhance its potential to promote happiness and well-being.