Preschool children “play” out their grief

Abstract Three-year-old Joanne's sister died in a mountain accident. Time after time, Joanne would come to The Dougy Center for her weekly meetings with other preschoolers and facilitators acting very withdrawn, sucking her thumb, and pulling back from the play. One day she came up to one of the facilitators fussing and anxious. Joanne started pulling on the facilitator's arm. She wanted something, but it was hard to understand what it was that she wanted. Joanne continued to pull on the facilitator and whine. The facilitator reflected to Joanne, “You are pulling on my arm.” The facilitator began to rock with Joanne as Joanne pulled and released the facilitator's arm over and over. Soon with each pull, Joanne would yell “Help!” Joanne got very angry and yelled furiously. The facilitator put a mirror right by Joanne so that she could see her face when she yelled. Joanne could see how strong and scared her face was. Joanne yelled “Help!” for a long period of time as she continued pulling vigorously on the arm. Finally another child came over to her, helping Joanne pull. Then another child came to help, and another and another, until there were many children yelling “Help!” and pulling on the arm of the facilitator. They would fall back with each pull and then reach forward for the arm again, yelling loudly. Soon they fell back on top of each other and began to laugh. They continued to grab the arm and let go, laughing as they did. Finally, they rolled away, going on to other play. As little Joanne walked away, she looked refreshed and secure.