The ambiguity of “having sex”: The subjective experience of virginity loss in the united states

Ambiguity surrounds virginity loss as defined and interpreted by young people in the contemporary United States. Drawing on in‐depth case studies of 61 women and men of various sexual orientations, ages 18 to 35, I explore the influence of that ambiguity on conduct and identity. Although uniformly agreeing that virginity loss could occur through first coitus, most respondents claimed that other kinds of genital sex could also sometimes result in virginity loss. Many argued that virginity could not be lost through rape. Respondents offered three primary interpretations of virginity—as a gift, stigma, or part of a process—which were associated with distinctive presentations of self, choices of virginity‐loss partner, and contraceptive practices. Different definitions and interpretations of virginity loss gave distinctive shape to individuals ‘ choices about the transitions from virgin to nonvirgin identity. Understandings of virginity loss were further patterned by gender and sexual orientation.