Trau(Ma): memories of a vindictive mother

Centring around the idea of archiving the self, this childhood narrative challenges several dominant perceptions and representations of upbringing in colonial and post-colonial India. Through lived experiences, it registers family-induced trauma that is not a consequence of a larger sociopolitical crisis. After contextualising the childhood narrative as a departure from the prevailing familiar discourse, there are three interrelated motifs in this self-excavating project. The first is to establish the nature of the humiliation inflicted by a vindictive mother on her husband and children – which sharply contradicts with the much-celebrated compassionate mother figure. This recount documents how gender roles were reversed and the male subjects were dehumanised. Oppression was tolerated and internalised. Criticisms were either denied or condemned, silenced and punished. Second, to document the nature of the oppression through recalling, revisiting and writing, thus recognising and recasting the resistance and resilience through public reiteration. Third, the family is established as a site of coercion, cruelty, suffering and exploitation as opposed to a presumed site of nurture, care and affection. This recount is divided into two sections. The first narrates the abusive behaviour of the mother towards her husband and son. The other section locates the self – subjected to discipline and punishment, coldness and insensitivity, indifference and abandonment – and devoid of affection, dignity and recognition from both my parents. This article emerged out of an obligation to acknowledge the injustice and to publicise the endurance and defiance through self-excavation. This narrative gives voice to bitter childhood experiences that we are encouraged to forgive or forget, in order to retain silence around childhood trauma – particularly when a mother is the violator of a child’s rights.