"The atomic bomb was my life"; the lived experience of mothers who became pregnant with assisted reproductive technology from their child's cancer: a qualitative study

Abstract Background Having a child with cancer in a family that had a child with the help of assisted reproduction methods will be a different experience from other mothers. Therefore, this study was conducted to explain the lived experiences of mothers with children with cancer, which is the product of assisted reproductive methods. Methods A phenomenological study was conducted with the participation of six mothers of children with cancer who were the product of assisted reproductive methods. The data were collected using semi-structured interviews and analyzed using MAXQDA software and Van Menen's approach. Results 4 categories and eight subcategories were extracted. (i) category attacking the desire to become a mother which consists of subcategories self-blame due to the desire to become a mother and hidden blame of others due to insisting on the experience of motherhood, (ii) category regret arising from spirituality which consists of subcategories regret for opposing divine providence and sadness caused by the place of divine testing with The child's illness, (iii) category mourning the sufferings of the child and the family which consists of subcategories discomfort of inflicting physical pain on the child and sadness of imposing financial problems on the family, (iv) category fear of the future affected by cancer which consists of subcategories fear of the child's death and non-recovery and fear of another illness. Conclusion It seems that such mothers think that among the two options of forced motherhood and not motherhood; Contrary to God's will, they started having children, and they blame themselves for the child's illness. Therefore, it is recommended to provide more extensive and different support packages for these mothers.