Offering, Asking, Consenting, and Rejecting: The Psychology of Helping Interactions

Two distinct literatures have shown that people are averse to being rejected when requesting help, and to rejecting others’ requests for help; both parties prefer situations in which no ask was made to those in which an ask was made but rejected. We propose a game-theoretic framework that offers a parsimonious explanation for both phenomena and further extends them. In this framework, people who need help make inferences and care about what an offer of help, compliance with a help request, or rejection of a request signals about the potential help-giver’s concern for them or the relationship. Likewise, potential help-givers care about the inferences potential help-receivers make, as they want to appear caring. We propose that both the aversion to being rejected after an ask and the aversion to rejecting others after an ask can be explained by the fact that rejection provides a negative signal about how much the would-be helper cares about or values the person in need. The framework further predicts that the same mechanism leads to an aversion to asks even when help is provided. That is, holding constant whether help is provided, both parties incur a psychological cost whenever there is an ask. Two studies, one involving recollections of help-related experiences, provide empirical support for the framework. By bringing together disparate literatures in help-seeking and -giving, we uncover common psychological features underlying these economically and socially important behaviors, generate novel insights into how they can be encouraged, and draw connections to behaviors in related domains.