Frustration without rejection: the genesis of trust

vital pursuit of survival and recognition—and the parents’ narcissism, which may be well-regulated and functional or pathological (hypertrophic, fragile or unstable, controlling or rejecting). When parental narcissism is well-regulated, the infant meets a presence that can withstand its feelings. The parent experiences them, processes them and—sometimes bodily, sometimes in combination with words—returns to the child the meaning of the experience with plain speech and steady presence. This is the function of the container. The transition from embryonic protection to the conditions of life confronts the infant with hunger, discomfort, waiting and fatigue, and introduces it to a realistic rhythm of existence. Despite the lack of the capacity for language, the infant senses and synchronizes bodily with the caregiver—through rhythm, eye contact, touch and the tone of voice—at a protointersubjective level that precedes the explicit recognition of the “other” and inscribes the “between” of the relationship. Waiting is not abandonment. When presence is perceptible, intention is stated, a simple explanation is given and the returns are relatively predictable, then reliability—not perfection—grounds trust. Constant availability is unfeasible, whereas steady returning suffices for the world to be experienced as meaningful and safe.