Sexual Desire Discrepancy as a Feature, Not a Bug, of Long-Term Relationships: Women's Self-Reported Strategies for Modulating Sexual Desire

INTRODUCTION: Sexual desire discrepancy is commonly reported by couples in long-term romantic relationships. Given the idiosyncratic nature of desire, and the lack of a "one size fits all" model approach to address desire concerns, it is useful to understand more about the range of ways that women and their partners modulate sexual desire. AIM: This study aims to assess women's strategies to influence their sexual desire and the self-reported effectiveness of these strategies. METHODS: One hundred seventy-nine women who had been in a relationship with a male partner for 5+ years completed an anonymous Internet-based survey. MAIN OUTCOME MEASURES: Participants responded to three open-ended items about the strategies they use to address desire issues and how helpful those strategies are. RESULTS: The most common responses regarding what participants did to get desire back on track included: communication, trying to meet partner's needs, having sex without desire, and having patience/letting time work out the problem. Women also mentioned several specific strategies they had employed: communication, scheduling sex, lingerie, and a date night. However, a large number of women discussed that the issue was not resolved, and they were dissatisfied with attempted strategies. CONCLUSIONS: This research provides valuable insight into the construction of women's sexual desire and the strategies used to navigate sexual desire in long-term relationships.