When Twos are Really Threes: The Triangular Dance in Couple Conflict

In counselling couples therapists frequently observe a pattern of interaction in which one person wants greater intimacy and closeness, whereas the other wants increased distance. This paper examines the distancer‐pursuer pattern and its relationship to the triangulation of children, grandparents, in‐laws or friends. In therapy, interventions target the distancer‐pursuer pattern and problematic triangles. Therapy is based on an understanding of the evolution of the pattern in relation to gender, the initial context of the relationship and “life‐time” and “situational” positions.