Memorable messages, perceived message deficiencies, and advice from estranged queer adolescents

This study explores the intersection of education and family socialization through memorable messages reported by adolescents who are estranged from their parents because of their queer identity (estranged queer adolescents [EQAs)]). Using the theory of memorable messages, 40 EQAs aged 13–19 described memorable messages they received during their estrangement process, the deficiencies in those messages, and messages they had for others. We identified five types of memorable messages: four negative (shame, violence, denial of gender, mismatched words and actions) and one positive (acceptance). EQAs reported three message deficiencies of lack of identity validation, emotional support, and protection. EQAs directed advice to parents (unconditional love and emotional responsiveness) and peers (self-acceptance and patience). Thematic co-occurrence analysis revealed a relationship between (a) the memorable message of denial of gender, (b) the perceived deficiency of support, and (c) advice for other EQAs to be patient; revealing how despite the negative memorable messages and lack of support EQAs received from their parents, they still had hope for a better future. These findings illuminate how EQAs make sense of memorable messages they received from their family and offers insights to foster more affirming environments within families and educational contexts.