Supporting in Ways That Do Not Align With What We Feel, Believe, or Want: Theorizing About Deceptive/Reluctant Support Provision in Interpersonal Relationships

In this study, we investigate deceptive/reluctant support (D/RS), which we define as verbal and nonverbal supportive communication that is communicated unwillingly (i.e., hesitantly or against their wishes), does not align with support providers’ true feelings or beliefs (i.e., disingenuous or inauthentic), or both. In addition, relational norms and patterns of behavior specific to providers' relationships with support recipients were central to their D/RS experiences. By analyzing 22 semi-structured, narrative-focused interviews, we offer novel conceptualizations for how D/RS manifests in relationships. Our analysis indicated three defining features of D/RS: unwillingness , dishonesty , and norms . Additionally, our results provided insight into complicating contextual factors that further nuance D/RS: fear of repercussions , justification , values , networks , and isolation . This research offers insight into how support providers engage in D/RS, which could be an intermediate step between offering positive support and choosing to disengage as a support provider. Moreover, understanding how providers navigate challenges when communicating support is key as scholars strive to understand what creates satisfying supportive relationships.