What a Difference a Pronoun Makes

Purpose: We investigate the role of pronoun use in people’s perceptions of relationship interaction quality, especially when partners experience worry. Method: Couples ( N = 115) rated their anxiety and interaction quality and participated in a 15-minute problem-solving discussion. Results: Me-focus by actors and You-focus by actors and partners reliably correlated with perceived interaction quality. As well, a person’s own, but not his or her partner’s, worry moderated the association between pronoun use and perceived interaction quality. Pronoun use (actor You- and partner Me-focus) and perceived interaction quality were especially strongly associated for people with relatively lower levels of worry. A principal component analyses uncovered two underlying factors for pronouns: self-focus and other-focus. Actor–partner analyses using underlying factors corroborated the results for individual pronouns. Discussion: These results support previous findings that specific pronouns are related to worse outcomes, and this association may be a function of how worried partners are. Worry may contribute to interpersonal difficulties by overriding otherwise salient interpersonal cues.