III. Wanting and Not Wanting Sex: The Missing Discourse of Ambivalence

documented that the official discourse in sex education in public schools seldom acknowledged girls ’ sexual desire. Instead, sex education presented discourses of sexuality as violence, victimization, and immorality. In contrast, she documented an unofficial discourse of desire in girls ’ discussions outside the classroom. Fine noted the ambivalence many girls felt: ‘The adolescent woman herself assumes a dual consciousness – at once taken with the excitement of actual/anticipated sexuality and consumed with anxiety and worry ’ (1988: 35). Consistent with Fine’s observations, many researchers have noted the ambiva-lence that many adolescent girls and others – female and male, young and old – feel about sex1 (Lamb, 2001; Tolman and Szalacha, 1999; Zilbergeld, 1999). Nevertheless, many people – including researchers – often conceptualize sex as either wanted or unwanted. There is, in effect, a missing discourse of ambiva-lence. A review of the literature reveals that researchers often ask respondents about ‘wanted ’ or ‘unwanted ’ sex. The Sexual Experiences Survey – a widely used survey for assessing whether women have experienced rape, attempted rape, or other sexual coercion – asks women if they have experienced various sexual acts ‘when you didn’t want to ’ (Koss et al., 1987: 167, emphasis added). The Sexual Assertiveness Scale (SAS) includes items such as ‘I begin sex with my partner if I want to ’ and ‘I have sex if my partner wants me to, even if I don’t want to’ (Morokoff et al., 1997: 804, emphases added). Token resistance to sex has been described as indicating to a partner that one does not want to have sex when in fact one does want to. A respondent might be asked if she has been in a situation like the following: