‘Vive la Différence’? Men and Women in Relationships

‘Vive la Diffé? Men and Women in Relationships’ was the theme of an international conference held in Oxford in June 1998. In this opening keynote paper the differences between the way men and women communicate and behave in marital relationships is explored within the context of everyday family life. It reminds us that the quest for gender equality cannot mask the fact that marriage is most likely to work and to survive if it is conceptualized less as a romantic dream, and more as an ordinary working relationship between two people whose individual needs, expectations, responses and contributions will ebb and flow through different rhythms and cycles. Because men and women make increasing demands on relationships, dissatisfaction is commonplace. Admitting that things are going wrong is difficult, and many people cling to the wreckage for years. Seeking help for troubled relationships can be a difficult step to take, particularly for men. With different approaches to issues around feelings, men and women tend to want different things from counselling, and it is possible that women's needs are met more often than those of men. Understanding difference is the key both to supporting marital relationships and to enabling them to realize their potential.