Inside Blamer Softening: Maps and Missteps

The Blamer Softening event in Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy is a critical change event that is indicative of successful treatment outcomes. Facilitating this event is a common challenge for the EFT therapist. This article reviews a mini-theory of blamer softening based on the work of Susan Johnson, co-author of the approach. Additionally, five common obstacles that often derail the softening process are identified and explained. Clinical examples are used throughout to highlight best therapist practices associated with successful softening events. This work represents another step forward toward a detailed understanding of the softening event.