No new physics in conformal scalar-metric theory

Invariantly regulated conformal scalar-metric theories are shown to be physically equivalent to their pure metric analogs. In particular we explicitly disprove the recent claim that these theories possess a natural mechanism for suppressing the cosmological constant. Another startling claim, the absence of a trace anomaly when matter is conformally coupled, is revealed as nothing but the artifact of a highly eccentric redefinition of the stress energy tensor. We conclude that the local conformal invariance of these theories is a sham symmetry without dynamical import.