“I didn’t Even Realize I Agreed to Meet the Child so Rarely.” Negotiations and Parental Desires in LGBTQ Family Forming Processes

This study explores the negotiations taking place in LGBTQ families before a child is born or added to the family. It asks who takes part in the negotiations and what issues are negotiated about. An online questionnaire answered by LGBTQ parents (n = 74) was analyzed with qualitative content analysis. The chain of phases leading to having a child can be referred to as a family forming process with various negotiation topics. The four phases are identified as parental desires, consideration of practices, reflecting on the decision, and concrete actions toward having a child. Besides the LGBTQ parents-to-be, significant others such as friends and the family of origin and external others such as donors and fertility clinics took part in the negotiations. Future parents needed to think about their desires in advance to enable fair and equal negotiations.