Gay male couples’ paternal involvement in lesbian-parented families

Australian gay men often assist lesbian friends and acquaintances to have families through known donor insemination arrangements. This paper discusses how these men’s paternal involvement is negotiated and enacted vis-a-vis that of their same-sex partner and the children’s mothers. It is based on three detailed case studies taken from a 2007–2008 study of 14 gay biological fathers and their partners. I argue that these unconventional family relationships can provide creative and successful solutions to wanting a family with children and being in a same-sex couple, in addition to the paid work/care balance issues that affect many busy parents. At the same time, these relationships potentially become problematic due to incompatible parental expectations of the men and women involved, and different understandings of the obligations and entitlements of paternal involvement. Conflict may arise due to the perceived fixed status of preconception agreements as opposed to the lived reality ofchildrearing, the cultural and social conventions that position paternal involvement as a choice rather than an obligation, and the predominance of same-sex couple based nuclear family aspirations.