“Like a never-ending performance of myself”: trans autistic experiences of identity, camouflaging and the complex closet

Introduction Both camouflaging and closeting one self conceal identity traits that are deemed undesirable or reprehensible by society at large. They serve as a mean of survival in a world that discriminates against autistic and trans people, but frequently lead to exhaustion and disconnect. This study aims to better understand how autistic trans/gender-diverse individuals experience both camouflaging of their autistic traits and closeting of their trans identity, as well as the effects this has on their mental health and sense of self. Methods We analyzed the lived experience of 20 autistic trans/gender-diverse (TGD) individuals aged 15 to 48. Two questionnaires were administered through an online form: (i) A Spanish adaptation of the Gender-Diversity and Autism Questionnaire (Strang et al., 2023) and (ii) a qualitative questionnaire about gender identity and life experiences. Data analysis was conducted using Reflexive Thematic Analysis (Braun & Clarke, 2006; 2023). Results Following the qualitative analysis of the material, three major themes were constructed: Theme 1, “Trans autistic minds under pressure: ‘I was being denied my right to just be’ ”; Theme 2, “‘Acting like someone I don’t know how to be’: Camouflaging and closeting behaviors at the intersection”, and Theme 3, “Long-term effects: ‘Disconnected from myself and shunned from the world’”. Discussion Participants reported high levels of stress and trauma-related symptoms. They often felt like suppressing themselves was their only choice, even if it came at the expense of their own well-being. In order to alleviate their suffering, a more neuro- and trans-affirming society is needed.