To The Best Friend Who Gave Up On Me, 20 Years Later

Narrative MattersCommunity Voices Health AffairsVol. 44, No. 9: Insights About The Opioid Crisis To The Best Friend Who Gave Up On Me, 20 Years LaterKaia Renouf AffiliationsKaia Renouf ([email protected]) is a clinical project manager at CA Bridge, an initiative of the Public Health Institute's Bridge program, in Oakland, California. Author's statement: "Recovery is complicated, and the longer it goes on, the more complicated it is. Without the dissolution of my most meaningful childhood friendship as a direct result of my substance use, I do not know that I would have stopped. Now that it's been twenty years, it's hard not to think that I would have given her more grace had our roles been reversed. Addiction takes from people, and the loss doesn't end when the substance use does. Wherever she is now, I hope she's grown and changed as much as I have." This is an open access article distributed in accordance with the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution (CC BY-NC-ND 4.0) license, which permits others to distribute this work provided the original work is properly cited, not altered, and not used for commercial purposes. See https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/4.0/. To access the author's disclosures, click on the Details tab of the article online.PUBLISHED:September 2025Open Accesshttps://doi.org/10.1377/hlthaff.2025.00359AboutSectionsView articleSupplemental MaterialView PDFPermissions ShareShare onFacebookXLinked InRedditEmail ToolsAdd to favoritesDownload CitationsTrack CitationsPermissionsDownload Exhibits View articleTOPICSSubstance useOpioid use disorderThe first time I felt discomfort with you was the daywe didn't want to play pretend anymore.We couldn't find the story, andnothing happened.We picked a movie in uneasy silence, uncertain of what we had lost.I used to nourish my hatred for you every day;a meditation on my own unhappiness.Now I have lines around my eyesand I love the idea that we could sitside by side at the barand not know each other.But I suspect I would always know youI have dreams, sometimes, where you listen to me.Sometimes we fix it, sometimes we don't,but we decide together.We parallel park instead of crashing and burningwhich is how, even in that moment,I know it's a dream.I wonder how you take your coffee(if you drink coffee)and which colors you've dyed your hair at 2 a.m.Who was the first person to break your heart?(you were mine)Who do you text to see if the jacket is cute?I wonder what they feel safe telling you(given the limits of your love)Here's the truth, not that it matters now:You've missed the best parts of me.Or, another way:I've become my best self in your absence.Here's the truth, for what it's worth:I wish I could recall the exact date when I no longer knew your phone number by heart.I would celebrate it every year Loading Comments... Please enable JavaScript to view the comments powered by Disqus. DetailsExhibitsReferencesRelated Supplemental Materials Article Metrics History Published online 2 September 2025 InformationThis open access article is distributed in accordance with the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution (CC BY-NC-ND 4.0) license.PDF downloadRelated articlesThe Opioid Crisis: Scaling Up Treatment And Harm Reduction Programs To Reach More People Who Would Benefit02 Sep 2025Health Affairs