Remembering as a Means to the Other

This paper attempts to understand remembering as a relational activity, as something we do together – not as an item imprinted in the brain that can be retrieved. I look at the origins of remembering in joint attention and joint reminiscence in infancy and extrapolate those dynamic interpersonal happenings onto the psychoanalytic situation. A patient inevitably brings into the room their unique, affective state of mind. They want to understand their state in ways that help them to feel better or at least to gather a sense of where to go next. Since our states of mind are never separable from our situations in the world, this entails remembering, the putting together of our situation in the world around our current affective orientation, which further entails an intimate relationship to one's collaborator in remembering. We know the other better by remembering together, and joint reminiscence therefore is always both a search for the truth and a means to the other.