Justify my love: Why mothers feel compelled to defend their decisions

In the first few hours a�ter giving birth, I experienced a profound moment that highlighted some of the social expectations placed on mothers.My newborn appeared to be choking, and I urgently called for a nurse.Thankfully, the situation resolved itself, but I found myself overwhelmed with emotion.In tears, I confessed that I was feeling unsure how to care for my baby amid the pain, exhaustion and the absence of my partner, who was not allowed to stay overnight in a public hospital in Portugal.The nurse's response struck me deeply: "A mum doesn't cry.The baby is the one who cries."This seemingly innocuous remark encapsulated the expectation that once a child is born, its mother's feelings and needs are marginalised.It also served as a stark reminder that we expect mothers to show only positive feelings towards motherhood, regardless of the challenges they face.Until this moment, I had only understood these societal pressures through other peoples' experiences.My work researching the day-to-day life of lone mothers gave me access to privileged information regarding the gendered and classed dimensions of parenting and the ideals surrounding "good" motherhood.As part of my doctoral research, I interviewed 21 lone mothers from di�ferent social classes living in Greater Lisbon, Portugal.The experiences of two of these women, Marlene and Sofia, as well as my own thoughts and feelings on becoming a mother, made me re�lect on how women navigate the social expectations of good motherhood.Generally, social norms shape our ideas of what "ought" to be done and the correct way of doing things.However, they are context-dependent and have di�ferent meanings for di�ferent people.For mothers living in western, industrialised, rich and democratic countries with high levels of education, contemporary norms of good motherhood place multiple expectations on their mothering practices: mothers must be highly present in their children's lives, take responsibility for their children's future, juggle working life and parenting responsibilities, and control their children, their own body and their emotions.To succeed, they should gather as much information as possible from experts and other