“I Didn’t Succumb to the Darkness”: Multi-Modal Reflections on Black Womxn’s Engineering PhD Spirit-Murdering Experiences

**Abstract** This journal paper seeks to engage multi-modal representations of qualitative inquiry to make meaning of Black womxn's reflections of their spirit-murdering experiences in their engineering doctoral programs. Spirit-murdering being "the personal, psychological, and spiritual injuries to people of color through the fixed, yet fluid and moldable, structures of racism, privilege, and power" (Love, 2014, 2017; Williams, 1987). These Black womxn, Nostalgia, Hippolyta, Harper, Kagome, Ashley, and Kadijah, are referred to as our Homegirls, our intellectual contributors. Using representations of art and poetic inquiry, we highlight collective and individual accounts of spirit-murdering and use Hippolyta's art as a culminating piece to corroborate the composite poem. Findings show that Black womxn: 1) share common epistemologies with differing positionalities that are subject to the same spirit-murdering, 2) experience targeted acts of spirit-murdering that result in longitudinal impacts on professional endeavors, personal health, and intellectual efficacy, and 3) often operate within the dialectical relationship between oppression and activism within their programs. Implications for faculty accountability and institutional transformation include: 1) progressive grading/review rubrics, 2) external equity consultants, and 3) safe professional culture.