‘Practice What You Preach and Say What You Feel’

Church disaffiliation by millennials is a common phenomenon in Western countries, including the Netherlands, where conservative Reformed churches have been affected by it. Parents have a major influence on their children’s religious socialisation; however, little is known about how church leavers experience this influence. We examined millennials’ experiences of their parents’ parenting style concerning religion. Most of the parents in question adopted a combination of authoritative or permissive parenting style and authoritarian style regarding religious socialisation. They also exhibited ambiguity by emphasising the cognitive aspect of believing. As a result, their children experienced believing in God as having to comply with rules and obligations. This does not fit with millennials’ views of life and core values of autonomy and authenticity. The findings suggest that, for parents, it is more important to focus on the process than on the desired outcome; it is also important to transmit faith by doing, by showing, and talking about what it does to you as a parent.