Something old, something new, something borrowed??? someone else? Consensual non-monogamy in the psychoanalytic consulting room

Consensual non-monogamy (CNM) is increasingly encountered in the consulting room, and there is a need to ground this complex issue in psychoanalytic theory to better serve our couples. Self-psychological and relational analytic lenses are explored in this article as a resonant fit for polyamory. While CNM may have developmental potential in couplehood in general, defensive aspects of CNM arise in couples seen in therapy. A clinical vignette is presented as a springboard for analytic discussion where CNM is used as a defensive strategy for the avoidance of intimacy. This includes CNM as a vehicle for narcissistic rage, as malignant triangulation, and as a deflection from marital disillusionment. The therapist’s reflections on triadic containment, transference, and the use of parallel process provide clarity about this couple treatment.