This article is a satirical letter to Team-would, the great-nephew of C.S. Lewis’ infamous devil Screwtape. Whereas Screwtape was tasked with corrupting a specific young man, Team-would is tasked with corrupting academics – especially teams researchers. The article suggests that this task can be accomplished in three easy steps: 1) entrap; 2) distract; and 3) obfuscate. Like other satirical pieces, this article is crafted to serve as constructive social criticism that challenges existing norms (e.g., selection and socialization) and structures (e.g., reward and task structures). It also strives to make uncomfortable topics easier to discuss (e.g., by introducing the Sufficiency Serpent and Generalizability Gremlin). Ultimately, we can choose whether to hike uphill and advance team science in service to society, or to follow the slippery slope toward an incoherent system that exists only to sustain itself.
Margaret M. Luciano (2026) studied this question.