On Not-Acting-out and What to Do Afterwards: A Two-Step Guide for Clinicians

Helping someone consider what it might be like to desist from an ingrained, highly-prized, sexually-compulsive behavior is challenging. To help a client move toward such a goal, it may be helpful to break down the process of refraining into two parts or subsequences: first, the moment of choosing not to engage in the pleasure-seeking behavior(s); and second, the moments after one has chosen not to engage. This “second moment” is not often addressed granularly in intervention models because in a sense, it seems like a negative space, a void. It presumes the hard work and mental energy of desisting has already occurred. But we may conceptualize the “moment(s) after” as forming a temporal, affective, and psychological space in which the client needs specific help, support, and tools. This article uses theoretical and casework material to demonstrate how such a “two-step” model can help clients envision and prepare for the challenges of ceasing sexually addictive behaviors by also getting them in touch with what may follow an episode marked by inhibition.