Self-grief after trauma: outlaw emotion and narrative practice

Philosophical discussions of grief have mainly focused on bereavement and the loss of others, while philosophical accounts of trauma have primarily focused on disruption of the self, embodiment, and future possibilities. Although both literatures acknowledge that trauma can involve profound personal loss, relatively little attention has been given to the possibility that survivors may grieve the loss of their former selves. Yet survivors do frequently describe traumatic experiences not only in terms of harm but also as involving the loss of identities, capacities, and life possibilities which once structured their lives. I refer to this phenomenon as self-grief. This article argues that self-grief is best understood through two complementary perspectives: as an outlaw emotion and as a narrative practice. Drawing on Alison Jaggar’s notion of outlaw emotions, I argue that self-grief challenges dominant norms surrounding trauma and recovery that emphasize resilience and closure. Drawing on Andrea Westlund’s account of grief as narrative testimony, I further argue that self-grief functions through the narration of loss, through which survivors articulate and seek recognition for the loss of their former selves.