Navigating the interplay between feelings of failure and newfound kindness: a qualitative study exploring the experiences of cancer bereaved fathers

Background The death of a child has a tremendous impact on fathers’ lives. However, their grief experiences remain understudied in pediatric palliative care and childcare research. The aim of this study is to provide insight into bereaved fathers’ experiences following the death of their child to cancer, and to explore their support needs and wishes. Methods Semi-structured qualitative interviews were conducted with bereaved fathers. Data collection occurred from March 2022 to September 2023, and reflexive thematic analysis was used for data analysis. Results Many bereaved fathers reported a reorientation of self, a shift in their priorities, and newfound kindness towards themselves and others. At the same time, the death of their child also led to feelings of helplessness and failure in their role as fathers. Some fathers expressed a death wish to reunite with their child and some fathers described how they lost the meaning of their lives. Fathers’ grief experiences and coping strategies often differed from that of their partner. In terms of support, many fathers expressed that it was better to have many support options offered to choose from than to have to reach out on their own. Conclusions In their bereavement, participating fathers reported shifts in their sense of self and priorities while navigating emotions of failure and newfound kindness. These experiences were compounded by limited access to preferred support. To be adequately cared for, fathers should be given the opportunity to express themselves freely.