Couple Perceptions of Their Similarities and Differences: A Dialectical Perspective

This interview study of 27 friendship and 14 romantic pairs examined the dialectical unity of two contradictions: similarity/difference and positivity/negativity. Relationship partners were able to identify phenomena upon which they were similar and upon which they were different. In addition, partners identified phenomena upon which they were both similar and different. Partners were able to identify similarities and differences that were positively valenced in addition to those that were negatively valenced; also, partners identified similarities and differences that were both positive and negative. Similarities and differences involved five kinds of phenomena: personality, leisure pursuits, attitudes and beliefs, communication style, and demographic/family background. Similarities were positive because they were perceived to facilitate communication, provide pleasure/fun, and provide assistance/support. Differences were positive because they contributed to individual growth and the facilitation of communication. Similarities and differences were negative because they resulted in conflict or other challenges to communication.