‘Not worth mentioning’: The implicit and explicit nature of decision-making about the division of paid and domestic work

The aim of this qualitative study of 31 Dutch couples is to help us understand why the division of paid and unpaid work between women and men remains stubbornly unequal, despite women's gains in the workplace and rising educational levels. This study expands on other research by documenting daily implicit and explicit decision-making about the division of paid and domestic work by couples during a unique period of their lives: the formative years of their relationship, until they are expecting their first child. Our findings indicate that in general, these Dutch couples do not look explicitly at their division of paid and domestic work, and that this often perpetuates a gendered division of work. More explicit decision-making occurs when couples have a very strong preference for equal sharing, or when the partners disagree or feel frustrated with their current situation. One important finding of this study is that even the couples who prefer to divide the work equally often end up following traditional patterns. This has to do with the decision-making strategies they apply, which seem to be grounded in ambivalent feelings about roles and responsibilities and often romanticizing relationships. Such ambivalence functions as a barrier to more effective decision-making processes. Data from this study seems to suggest that couples wanting to share household responsibilities should, as a minimum, engage in explicit decision-making until they have developed egalitarian routines.