Individuation and relationship violence

This paper examines relationship dynamics of couples in which the man has been violent toward the woman. The thesis offered here, from a systemic perspective, is that violence in intimate couple relationships is, in part, a distance-regulating mechanism that maintains a balance between separateness and connectedness in the relationship. The individual developmental process that allows a balance to be maintained without violence or other “distance regulators” is individuation. Some of the theoretical positions taken by previous authors that clarify the connection between individuation and relationship dynamics are presented. Next, the link between lack of individuation and relationship violence is explored using the work of other scholars to support our thesis and the “voices” of women who have experienced date violence. The “voices” come from a multiple case study using qualitative methods and analyses conducted by the second author. Finally, therapeutic intervention when relationship violence is viewed from the perspective suggested here is discussed.