Attractions and Affairs

Some attractions are exhilarating and affirm the positive attributes within and between the parties involved. Other attractions, which are characterized by a high level of excitation and feelings of strong, passionate desire, may fall in the genre of "crazy love" and have a fatal component. Such attractions can occur prior to marriage with one's spouse, or as extra-marital liaisons. This paper explores theories of attraction, a typology of and rationales for different kinds of ongoing extramarital affairs, including feelings of "hot desire." "irresistible" urges, feeling "trapped" in an unhappy marriage or one that lacks physical passion and intimacy, the sheer fun of an affair for some, as well as some less conscious motives. The route to potential crises when a child is born as a result of an extramarital affair is delineated. Several clinical case vianettes are utilized illustratively. The deception, myriad complications, and anguish for all involved are explored as are the complexities of treatment in such "family" constellations. The uncertainties of prognosis become apparent. Therapist reactions (countertransference) to the dramas whch unfold also receive attention.