The illness that dare not speak its name: HIV/AIDS in Gil de Biedma’s diaries

This paper analyzes the implications of illness and queerness for the identity Gil de Biedma constructs through his personal diary of 1985. This is a unique case of a Spanish author providing a complex picture of the effect of HIV/AIDS on his own life and work. In addition, the author's diaries are a rare example of Spanish autobiographical writing on illness. Gil de Biedma kept several diaries throughout his life. The last diary, titled "Diario de 1985", is an account of his stay at a French hospital while undergoing treatment for Kaposi's sarcoma. This short diary offers crude yet insightful material on human illness, suffering and the stigma of HIV/AIDS in Spain during the 1980s. By close reading a selection of fragments of the author's diary, utilizing an approach that combines psychoanalysis and social history, this paper exposes the connections between illness, sexuality and identity in Gil de Biedma's autobiographical writing. This paper claims that Gil de Biedma (un)consciously represses naming the illness in his diaries while being very descriptive about the physical symptoms of AIDS and its treatment. This evidences the brutal social and familial pressure to conform to a certain identity, ultimately giving way to a very particular symbiosis between the author's literary persona and his bourgeois self.