When Silence Is Selective: Self-Silencing Across Relationship Contexts Among Young Adults

Self-silencing, the suppression of self-expression to preserve relationships, has been theorised as context-dependent, yet research has examined this construct primarily at the between-group level, leaving within-person variation underexplored. This qualitative study examined how self-silencing varies across relationship domains among 53 young adults (30 women, 23 men) at international universities in Thailand, using semi-structured interviews (n = 10) and written reflections (n = 43) analysed through reflexive thematic analysis. Findings showed that self-silencing was relationship-specific: participants distinguished relationships in which they expressed themselves from those in which they did not, with perceived security as the most consistent distinction. This pattern operated independently of family socialisation: supportive later relationships could undo learned silence, and fragile ones could introduce silence in participants from expressive families. Thai cultural values of kreng jai and jai yen gave participants a vocabulary for silence but did not dictate where it occurred. The meaning of self-silencing differed by gender, with women more clearly framing silence as care and men as emotional control. Self-silencing carried cumulative psychological costs and took varied behavioural forms. These findings suggest that self-silencing operates as a relationship-specific process rather than a stable personal characteristic.