When “we” defines “me”: Current theory and research on relationship identification

Drawing on theories or conceptualizations of relational selves, relationally interdependent self-construal (RISC) and self-determination, we present theory and research on relationship identification – the degree to which a person defines themselves in terms of a specific close relationship and integrates that relationship into their sense of self. Identification predicts relationship maintenance efforts independent of relationally interdependent self-construal, commitment, and satisfaction, especially in response to relationship threats (e.g. dissimilar values, partner transgressions, and/or the availability of attractive alternates). We review recent work demonstrating that feeling understood and viewing the world in the same way as one’s partner are critical underpinnings for relationship identification, operating distinctly from feeling accepted and cared for. We also consider new research comparing identification with the merging of identities (inclusion of other in self; IOS). Whereas IOS predicts revealing one’s relationship status in general, identification is more specifically sensitive to threatening situations, predicting the revealing of one’s relationship status to attractive alternatives but not people in general. We also explore potential dark sides of relationship identification and discuss future research directions. Overall, we demonstrate that integrating a relationship into one’s personal identity uniquely motivates relationship cognition and behavior.