The Shame Ouroboros: Devourer of trans authenticity

Background Shame is a complex and eclectic self-conscious affect, felt as a response to an incongruence between the authentic self and socio-cultural norms and expectations. It denotes that not only have we ‘done something wrong’ in breaching these expectations, but that ‘our authentic self is inherently wrong’. This is particularly relevant for trans peoples, who face systemic, societal, familial, and interpersonal shaming in the forms of cisgenderism, transphobia, and anti-trans bigotry.Method 26 trans and non-binary people aged 18+ and living in Australia were interviewed about their experiences with gender, family, shame, and resilience.Results Through reflexive thematic analysis, three themes were developed: 1) origins; understandings of shame, systemic shaming and cisgenderism, societal shaming, familial shaming 2) manifestations; internalization of shame, suppression of authenticity, and mental health and wellbeing 3) transformative shame; fostering authenticity, internal work and self-reflection, community building, and addressing shame.Conclusions Findings show shame to be a powerful motivator for hiding and suppressing authenticity. Shame highlighted incongruencies between participants’ sense of their authentic trans selves and unwritten rules, unspoken expectations, and cisgenderist messaging communicated to them via interpersonal, societal, and systemic shaming. These messages often produced an internalized audience and created self-perpetuating cycles of shame. Participants were, however, finding ways to manage shame and to harness it transformatively to forge new ways of being, knowing, and becoming.